Assalamualaikum everyone.
It has been one years mungkin Wani dah tak update apa-apa dekat sini? I write it silently on 24 July 2021 at 00:25 midnight.
I want to keep it here, my journey of healing. I lost my 7 years relationship on early February 2021. Panjang sangat perjalanan untuk sampai harini, untuk masih boleh menulis harini. It was amazing journey that I should be proud of, but I don't want to feel the same pain again.
We lost the relationship. I can't get the reason, maybe it was my flaws because I'm not good enough. We are actually planning to go for kursus kahwin this year, engaged on next year and get married on 2023 since both of our family know it. But kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan tentukan semuanya and ini jalan yang telah dipilih oleh dia. She got someone better after the break up alhamdulillah. Honestly I'm happy for him even it's actually my biggest pain and scars until now. We are connected by the same circles. Some of my friends are still sending his pictures with someone new while I do actually removed him from my social media and contact. It took many months for me to take another step from removing him on social media, stop stalking him, and removed his contact. Every little steps that I had, it brings the pain along the way.
I can't believe my love was too pure and sincerely until I lost the relationship. I was still praying the best for him even until now. Even the pain that I need to go through, I still hope the ever after happiness for him and his partner. It hurts me knowing that he got someone to replaced me immediately after breaking up but I really hope she will be her truly partner that Allah created. For those 7 years, lillahitaala I was so proud with us. We are together from high school, then diploma, then degree and works. We are there through ups and downs. We grew together, share everything together, we heal each other, we fix each other but it comes to the end and we can't deny it.
I'm sorry that I can't explain the pain but I really hope you didn't go through the same pain like I were. The moment where I cried every single night watching you with someone else until today, the moment I deleted all the 7 years photos, the moment I saw your family that I have been loved as my family, the moment I saw our favourite place and your favourite food, and the moment I remembered all the words you have been promised for.
I hope someday I will really let you go. I hope someday I wil really find my own happiness because it's not on you anymore. Perhaps if one day you are reading this, please be thankful that you didn't go through the same pain like I was, please be thankful that I'm still here ask for Allah to ease your way, and please be thankful that I was never resent for the way you hurt me.
Someday, we will look it back and realized how much it changed us. Thank you for letting me go, because now I know how much I'm worth in your eyes. Thank you for grew together with me. I'm proud I'm letting you go at the phase that you got everything for your future. I'm proud that we go through everything for us to be who we are today. I'm proud even now we are strangest with some memories.
